The Religions of Academia

Mathematics: God laid down axioms, and all else followed trivially.


Law: In the beginning, God gave His creatures free will, wisely limiting His own liability for any damage they might cause.

Computer Science: God threw something together under a 7-day deadline. He’s still debugging.


History: God wrote the Bible, which claims that the heavens and earth were created by God. This is exactly why you can’t always trust primary sources.

Literary Theory: After creating the world, God left scant evidence of His existence, as a deliberate exploration of the problematic nature of authorship.


Political Theory: When God created the world, He made sure to favor incumbents, being one Himself.

Economics: God created us in His own image, as rational consumers. But as sinners, we strayed.


Physics: God modeled the universe on the card game Mao: There are lots of strange rules and He refuses to explain any of them.

Chemistry: On the second day, God created entropy, to make sure the universe would turn itself off if He accidentally left it running.


Psychology: God said “Let there be light,” but what did He mean by that?

Political Science: In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth: pork-barrel construction projects that greatly benefited His district.


Medicine: In the beginning, God created a great clinical trial, although He hasn’t told us yet whether mankind received the treatment or the placebo.

Accounting: On the sixth day, God created man, whom he tasked with conducting a proper audit of His other creations.


Finance: God invested His creatures with life, and has received only a middling return on investment.


16 thoughts on “The Religions of Academia

    1. What blog commenter says: “I think you think you’re very funny. I think you’re somewhat funny. (That last one is dead on, though.)”

      What blogger hears: “I think you think you’re very funny. I think you’re somewhat funny. (That last one is dead on, though.)”

      1. Haha.

        Person1: Look, God inspired me to write this bible.
        Person2: No he didn’t.
        Person1: Yeah huh! Says so in the bible.

  1. Psychology: God created the humans in his image because he is a narcissist. He is also a psychopath, who lets his creations suffer if that serves his purposes. Probably suffers from multiple personality disorder as well, calling the other parts of him Jesus christ and the Holy Spirit.

    Sorry, was it too dark? How does that make you feel? 😉

  2. God did not “get” the Kosmic Joke and fell out of the Godhead. Compensating, S-he birthed a lot of lessor jokes, like Homo sapiens (et al), unconsciously, and gradually working back toward the Kosmic Joke in return toward the Perfection of Being that all lessor jokes also seek in Their Ignorance of the Ultimate Joke.

  3. Love the computer science one.
    And if I may add a variation to Maths: “God laid down axioms, and outlined his theorem, but left the proof as an exercise for the reader”

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