Mathematics: God laid down axioms, and all else followed trivially.
Law: In the beginning, God gave His creatures free will, wisely limiting His own liability for any damage they might cause.
Computer Science: God threw something together under a 7-day deadline. He’s still debugging.
History: God wrote the Bible, which claims that the heavens and earth were created by God. This is exactly why you can’t always trust primary sources.
Literary Theory: After creating the world, God left scant evidence of His existence, as a deliberate exploration of the problematic nature of authorship.
Political Theory: When God created the world, He made sure to favor incumbents, being one Himself.
Economics: God created us in His own image, as rational consumers. But as sinners, we strayed.
Physics: God modeled the universe on the card game Mao: There are lots of strange rules and He refuses to explain any of them.
Chemistry: On the second day, God created entropy, to make sure the universe would turn itself off if He accidentally left it running.
Psychology: God said “Let there be light,” but what did He mean by that?
Political Science: In the beginning, God created the heavens and earth: pork-barrel construction projects that greatly benefited His district.
Medicine: In the beginning, God created a great clinical trial, although He hasn’t told us yet whether mankind received the treatment or the placebo.
Accounting: On the sixth day, God created man, whom he tasked with conducting a proper audit of His other creations.
Finance: God invested His creatures with life, and has received only a middling return on investment.
16 thoughts on “The Religions of Academia”
I think you think you’re very funny. I think you’re somewhat funny. (That last one is dead on, though.)
I think you think you’re clever.
Well, I think you think he thinks you think he thinks he’s clever.
I think I’m confused. But I can’t be sure.
What blog commenter says: “I think you think you’re very funny. I think you’re somewhat funny. (That last one is dead on, though.)”
What blogger hears: “
I think you thinkyou’re very funny. I think you’re somewhat funny.(That last one is dead on , though.)”
Okay, yes, you’re very funny. Funny ha-screaming-ha-ha reading blog post aloud in dorm and reducing roomies to hysterics as well. Just discovered this.
Your premise is wrong…God did not write the bible. Flawed humans wrote the bible.
Yes, but God inspired the Bible. ‘All Scripture is God-breathed,’ remember? 2 Timothy 3:16.
Person1: Look, God inspired me to write this bible.
Person2: No he didn’t.
Person1: Yeah huh! Says so in the bible.
I’m not going to argue this here.
i thought it was funny
lol 404 not found
Psychology: God created the humans in his image because he is a narcissist. He is also a psychopath, who lets his creations suffer if that serves his purposes. Probably suffers from multiple personality disorder as well, calling the other parts of him Jesus christ and the Holy Spirit.
Sorry, was it too dark? How does that make you feel? 😉
Reblogged this on Pathological Handwaving and commented:
This made me laugh. I really needed to today.
God did not “get” the Kosmic Joke and fell out of the Godhead. Compensating, S-he birthed a lot of lessor jokes, like Homo sapiens (et al), unconsciously, and gradually working back toward the Kosmic Joke in return toward the Perfection of Being that all lessor jokes also seek in Their Ignorance of the Ultimate Joke.
Love the computer science one.
And if I may add a variation to Maths: “God laid down axioms, and outlined his theorem, but left the proof as an exercise for the reader”