Doesn’t really matter, does it…as you pointed out, they work for any day or any “sign” ; ) The horoscopes that made me chuckle were “Aries”, “Gemini”, “Virgo”, “Libra”, “Scorpio” and “Aquarius”, while I’m partial to the drawing you did for “Cancer”.
Love your combo of humor and education!
Another method for becoming a genius wizard, conceptually related and suitable for making a fortune:
Get a list of 1 million addresses (email addresses will do). Send out letters to each person urging them to bet on a specified football, baseball, or basketball game. Half the letters recommend one team, the other half the other. After the game, discard the addresses of people who got the letter that was wrong. Repeat ten times over ten months. At the end, you will have only about 1000 addresses left, but those people will have seen you predict the winning team ten times in a row. Tell them this has been a free sample of your wizardly talents, and offer to sell them a year’s subscription for $99.99.
Ah, I love that scam. (I can’t pretend I didn’t have it in mind when I wrote that last joke.) Quick Google search didn’t turn up any real-life instances, but I have to believe someone out there has gotten caught trying it.
Math with Bad Drawings 
This totally just happened to me. Except, wait — isn’t this tomorrow’s horoscope?
That’s the best thing about these horoscopes: they work any day.
Today I’m going to travel to another city, get a jelly donut, and hit on the first guy I see. And I’ll tell him a math teacher told me to do it.
There’s gonna be a web series in this…
Inter-city travel, jelly doughnuts, and hitting on strangers… back home they called that the Orlin Triple Crown.
Ophiucus: You are far too much of a fan of actual astronomy to believe in astrology.
Thank you for this.
Lol. (Had to look it up, which only made it funnier.)
This just made my day!
Thanks – glad you enjoyed it!
As a matter of pedantry, Sagittarians should pick a number other than 1, for the division not to fail!
Anyway, great post! This blog just never ceases to be amazing…
Good point! Should’ve specified x =/= 1. Even when trying my best, I can’t write things sufficiently general to be horoscopes…
Please tell us these are available on t-shirts ; )
Hmm… which one would you want?
Doesn’t really matter, does it…as you pointed out, they work for any day or any “sign” ; ) The horoscopes that made me chuckle were “Aries”, “Gemini”, “Virgo”, “Libra”, “Scorpio” and “Aquarius”, while I’m partial to the drawing you did for “Cancer”.
Love your combo of humor and education!
Another method for becoming a genius wizard, conceptually related and suitable for making a fortune:
Get a list of 1 million addresses (email addresses will do). Send out letters to each person urging them to bet on a specified football, baseball, or basketball game. Half the letters recommend one team, the other half the other. After the game, discard the addresses of people who got the letter that was wrong. Repeat ten times over ten months. At the end, you will have only about 1000 addresses left, but those people will have seen you predict the winning team ten times in a row. Tell them this has been a free sample of your wizardly talents, and offer to sell them a year’s subscription for $99.99.
Ah, I love that scam. (I can’t pretend I didn’t have it in mind when I wrote that last joke.) Quick Google search didn’t turn up any real-life instances, but I have to believe someone out there has gotten caught trying it.
This concept is beautifully executed as a horse-racing ‘system’ by Derren Brown. Check it out…https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX94fV4TWbc
And you lose all the money in a lawsuit for sending me emails after I hit ‘unsubscribe’ 5 times
Haha spot on! for the Virgo personality 🙂
Reblogged this on FIGHT CYBERSTALKERS! GREGUREV vs RANJIT RANA.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SECRET TEXT WHEN YOU MOUSE OVER IT???
Uh-oh… I gave up on that almost a year ago. No one complained. Worth bringing back?