Existing Law: For every action, there shall be an equal and opposite reaction.
New Law: For every action, there shall be a vicious and disproportionate reaction, followed by many months of inaction.
Existing Law: Planets orbit the sun in ellipses.
New Law: Planets orbit the sun in a series of strange curlicues, to be redistricted whenever a new party takes power.
New Law: Objects in office shall tend to remain in office, even if challenged in the primary by an outside force.
New Law: If the universe is indeed expanding, then we shall see to it that the national debt keeps pace.
New Law: No temperature can reach absolute zero anytime in the next three months. We shall revisit the issue after such time has elapsed.
New Law: The more precisely you know a politician’s ambitions, the less precisely you may know his positions.
New Law: We are proud to award a $75 billion federal contract to Perpetual Motion Machines Inc. (We assure you that their generous campaign contributions had no effect on our decision whatsoever.)
New Law: Natural selection drives the economy; by the way, we’re loaning Wall Street half a trillion dollars, hope everyone’s cool with that.
New Law: [The value of E is currently vacant, as the Senate has filibustered all seven values that the president has nominated.]